Paralyzed by fear and lost
Petrified my future is.
Mortuesque are the days of the week
Loneliness feels comfortable to the soul
Loss, and pain, the epiphanies
strangle my heart for freedom
Stillness in time seems to be obligatory
R. L. Heath, Jr
edited (by RLH 4/8/09)
Saturday
I have been awaken,
Torn from solemnity
Into somber sobriety
Torment skies awaits
Belligerent are the cries of
Sorrow.
Whisapered are the songs
Of fate.
Deep thought caresses me
With multitude of fear.
And a peaceful “longing’
World ashakened by
Course despair
Object of my loathing
Object of my fear
Is the presented course
I must face.
This course is
The manufacturer
Of my being
Unresolved emotions,
Emotion of suffering
Self defeating
And personal hate
I awaken to the
Face of my mother.
Grasping lightly
Onto life.
Though as seen
And loved secretly,
Creates personal hypocrisy
Of profuse emotions.
Belligerent are these
Feelings.
Personal battles
Numbs my heart
Weakness conquers
Tears.
Fearlessness defeats
Breathing
Love reinfested
By hate
Yet tomorrow…
Sadness spreads through my veins
Spreads through the veins with fluid tumult
Arranging normality into chaos,
Drowning conformity with abstraction
Barren hope is foreseeable more,
As the horizon converge into a void.
Darting ravens replace the gracious doves,
Twirling the skies seething screams.
Tarnish clouds bombard the spring.
Sudden winter arrives as though it has come home.
Despair seems to awaken to me.
To remind me of the world I have abandoned
The developed unknown has aged as much as I have,
The beast as fearless as I may be,
Child I first was when I was aqauinted with he,
He hath grown as I when I was reqaquainted.
To be forgotten was intended
Not to be existent was pretended
Breaking through my reality with ceasarian tenacity,
Superceding my world I have secured,
He, the breathless beast
Torn from my neglected soul
Wounded, blistering blemish
Bursting with seething history
Over consuming my person with doubt,
Aloning my world
Things seem so far away
Far from my closeness
Far from the barrier of me
Far from the comprehension
The comprehension held so dear,
Despair has won.
Corral of sanctity hath deceased,
The structure of peace fell to the windstorm of sand.
The world and paradise, …my eye
Is blinded with unwanted past.
Holding nothing to call peace to the turmoil
The cold crept is to cease the motion of progress.
Regression has molded and grown to fit,
The crevasses have filled with molt and sewage
Foul is the air around, breathless beast is he.
Suffocation is imminent
Torn lung cease to exist
Lays open to deflate with last breathe
Breathe that held peace.
Many of good turned evil against I
Negligence bore truth to me as reproach.
None of the accomplishments have bearing
The foundation crumble soft and mute.
Bankrupt am I to be.
The palace and the paradise slowly consumed
Deliberate retribution is he.
Once the elite in emotional tenace
Unwelcome am I to vitality
Unwelcome am I to prosperity
Only welcome to disparity
Cryo-affection wraps arms about me
Draining my heart and mind from me
No liberty of malfunction, as it may show freedom,
Only to torture the that hath neglected he.
He-the breathless beast.
Tears may run as not
For the fluid of emotions are frozen
As the blistering affection squeezes.
Faith hath escape with all estate
The beliefs I hold dear left me open
God or what it to be, farther from me.
Cruel and ceaseless is he,
Lord seems to tag me
Tag me of no value
Tag of historic debt
Tag of ceaseless repentance
Sins committed innocence are guilt
Thought of peace have become belligerent
Hopes of love have turned cold
Common truths are lies to bare
Lies are of all promises broken unto thou
Unto all veins of prosperity
The hole hath opened
All worthiness, fallen through
Affluence if esteem, swallowed
Cough of the breathless beast
Growth has regressed back to childhood
Frighten boy of negligence.
Boy forgotten to person
Foreign is this boy of adult
The tears of fear seem unreasonable
Why must you shed?
Why must you shake?
Why must you shrink away?
The eye that has the soul pulled
The eye devoured the soul’s boyish innocence
Boy now being stiff and calm
Robotic his emotion has become
Forward steps he takes
The minor breathless beast merges with him.
Superhuman are the two combined
Movement are fearless but weak
Powerful boy he develops
Breathless beast is now king
Childhood coolly conquered
The darkness disappears as the steps become extended
The path is lit with obscurity
Gray and dank is the bare roads
Numb become the child’s feet
Ignorant, naïve is he to the world around
But he bud of his own
But he reaps of his own
But he bares his own barriers
The road falls in oblivion behind
The son negligence never turn back
Child of enveloping fear, briskly moves forward
Destination hath no name
Destination only forward
Never looking around, perception of surroundings
Never noticing his infinite circle run
Enforced is a shield to all eyes
To all sense to the boy
Protected from the further hurt
Protected from rejection
Protection from any deception
The boy grows astronomically
The boy superhuman to peers as he
Goes through storms
The boy
Sage to all who is weak
Sage master for all who seek him
This manchild has bruted out
His appearance is foreign to thee.
Shielded from deception and reception
Shielded from disappointment and achievement
Sheilded from misperception and true-self perception
Confused but sure, the man boy develops
Unseeingly the breathless beast dart arrows
Only piercing the adolescent with poison
Posioned with guilt,
Poisoned with repositioned sin.
Naïve forgiveness ravages rationale.
Ravages the senses to further blindness.
The adolescent falls over his own foot
In an attempt to abolish him
Careful is the beast, he flies as the boy falls
Boy betrayed, shaken, forgives, moves forward,
Ah-ha! Thou beastly tricks hath work for thee.
Ah-ha! Thou circle hath hath strengthen thee.
The superhuman boy only grows weaker.
The superhuman boy only slows quicker.
The superhuman boy only is younger
This beast sucks the time through the boy to grow himself
This breathless beast leeches ability from the boy
This breathless beast has bore out all freedom
This beast naps while the boys continues descent
This breathless beast weakens the boy resilience
This breathless beast is leaving
Taking the man to be
Taking the world from him
Taking the foundation from me.
Waking from his nap the boy is only frighten
Down to the last square in the path
Blackness ahead, a void on all other sides
The boy screams
The boy moans
Boy whimpers
The breathless beast grown too great proportion
Brazen breatheless beast lashes at the boy
Boy screams
The beast grunts in laughter
Boy moans
Grunting and gurgling is beast with his achievements
Bursting and bubbling of his destruction, this beast
Master is he of this boy.
Boy still blind and numb, shrinking into a crumpled state
Boy still small and hollow shivers with fear.
Scrawny is he
Hollow is his heart
Swallowed is his soul
Stripped of his weapons, stripped of his experience
Shielded is external being
Internally vulnerable
Foreign is this to him
Though it has been repeated
Foreign is his body to him
Stripped of wanted memory
Only is the void familiar
Only is this darkness else
Only is the emotion familiar
Only the empty surrounding is familiar
Only is this beast here
Only loneliness this boy knows
Only I am that boy
R. L. Heath, Jr.
